weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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