the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
