I'm gonna have a badass scar
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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