it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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