I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
