he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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