I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
