I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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