I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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