Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
