so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
