Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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