She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
