He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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