i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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