i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
