also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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