I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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