my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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