Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
