Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Randomize
