Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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