if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
