K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
