i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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