Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
