the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
