there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
