If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
No more Irish car bombs ever.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
