Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
