Just cropdusted the office
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
