your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
