why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
