I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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