It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
