hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
