You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
