YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
