i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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