booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
