yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
your room smells of hookers.
And success
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
