I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
