oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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