I'm jealous of your bromance
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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