I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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