My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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