My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
