btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
