i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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