Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
