his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
