I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
